In December, a divorced woman named Margie, 63, married three times, emailed, stating that she had met a single divorced man, 66. She asked, “Should the number of marriages each has had matter? How many marriages before it becomes a red flag? We met two weeks ago.”
I responded to Margie: “It is not uncommon for people our age to have had more than one marriage. Does that make us tainted? Does that mean we’re bad people? No.
“I’ve had three marriages, and my partner of 25 years, Greta, also had three. Having the same number of marriages was one of the things we had in common, so it was a positive thing we both had multiple marriages. Neither wanted a fourth marriage. We had a great relationship before she passed.”
Other senior singles have asked me the “how many marriages?” question recently. Perhaps it’s because Valentine’s Day is only a month away and some seniors are pondering the marriage issue.
Does the number of marriages a senior had matter? Right off the top, I say no. However, if the number exceeds four, or if the number is zero, I think the couple needs to discuss the whys and why not of their marriage number. Just to see if there’s a red flag.
Last year, a few months after Greta passed away, I was lonely and missed female companionship. So, I started dating. The number of marriages a potential mate had didn’t matter to me.
So, I thought.
Three of the women I dated were widows. The first had been married five times. I had known her for years, and she had many fine qualities, so her five marriages didn’t bother me. But she very quickly moved on. It wasn’t the number of marriages either one had; it was most likely the age difference. I was merely 23 years older.
The second widow’s husband was 25 years older than she. I didn’t know if he had been her only husband until one night, when we were enjoying an adult beverage, I asked her if it mattered that I had been married three times. She said no.
I said, “How about you? She said, “Seven.”
I responded, “Seven times?” She became defensive and was irked by my question. That was our final date. She’d had enough of me, and I was scared to continue dating her.
And then my friend Jim and I met an attractive woman, 61, during breakfast at R.J’s Café in Dana Point.
We told her we were both single men who had lost our partners during 2022. She said she was widowed after 11 years of marriage.
When Jim and I saw her at breakfast three months later, we asked her to join us just to chat for a few minutes. The topic of the number of previous marriages came up.
I asked her if she had been married more than once. She nodded yes. I held up two fingers. She said no. Three fingers. She said no. Four fingers, no. Five fingers, no. Six fingers – finally, yes.
Jim and I were dumbfounded. Her answer surprised us. She was such a soft-spoken, pleasant, and shy person. We didn’t ask for details, and she wasn’t about to offer them.
In 2024, does the number of times a person has been married matter? Many seniors have been married more than once. Most singles 75-plus don’t want to remarry, but most of them would relish a nice relationship, regardless of the number of times a potential new partner was married.
Sandy, a reader, wrote: “There is no need to be scared off by the number of marriages – until you investigate the circumstances. But eight would cause me to take a breath.”
I agree with Sandy.